The struggles of a shy writer

I am a good writer.

It took me the longest time to admit that to myself, and I have only just started to admit it to those around me. I’m not saying I believe I am outstanding, but I guess that deep down I always knew I was talented at expressing myself through the written word. It has always been a field I’ve felt comfortable in, one where I just knew what to do. I excelled at creative writing in English class, and my teacher continually praised me time and time again on my abilities. She constantly encouraged me to keep writing at all times. It was several years after I left school that I actually started to listen to her. She wrote me the card pictured above when I left school, and I have it hanging on my wardrobe door as a constant reminder of someone who really believed in me as a writer. Every time I doubt my writing abilities, I look at it and remember someone who thought I was good enough to do it.

I’m sure there are thousands of people like me. They know they are talented in some area of life, but something just holds them back, stops them from admitting it. I don’t know why it took me so long to realise that it was okay for me to say I thought it was a good writer. No one ever told me I wasn’t. My family always encouraged it in me; no one ever told me I was wasting my time.

It has always been my dream to be an author. It’s a career I want more than any other in the world, one where I see myself being really, really happy doing it. To walk into a bookstore and see copies of my own books on the shelves- nothing would ever come close to it. There has always been one small problem. I hold my cards very close to my chest when it comes to sharing what I write about. I struggled for months with the thought of starting a blog. I wanted to do it for ages, but I paled at the very idea of total strangers and even people I knew reading my writing, even though my boyfriend read several posts and told me he enjoyed them. The only person that I let read my writing until recently was my English teacher, and I guess even she wouldn’t have been allowed to if it hadn’t been homework.

But I finally bit the bullet, chose my blog name, and published my first post. It was absolutely liberating. I feel a little surge of pride every time someone reads a post I wrote. I had lost my flair for writing for well over a year, but now it is back, hitting me with full force as though asking me why I neglected it for so long. Starting a blog reignited that creative spark in me, and now storylines and characters I had put to the back of my mind are now at the forefront, battling for my attention. I find myself developing a plot line I have been working on since I was around nineteen.

Just the other day, I did the absolute unthinkable for me. I shared my idea with my boyfriend. It was a difficult thing for me to do; I had never told anyone what I wanted to write about. But I told him it all, even going so far as to ask his opinion and input on my idea. I had told him for months that I wanted to share the idea with him, but he never pushed me, just nodding every time I said I was going to tell him, saying he would like to hear about it at some point, when I was ready. I think he understood that forcing it out of me would never work. Ask me directly what my plot line is, and my walls fly up. I’ll refuse to really answer, instead I’ll vaguely tell you it’s in the fantasy genre, and that it contains prophecies and battles.

I’ve been writing for my own enjoyment for as long as I can remember, and the older I become the more confident I grow in my abilities. A year ago, posting a blog would have been unthinkable for me. As for sharing my own idea for a novel? Never. It never would have happened a year ago. But slowly, bit by bit, I become more and more comfortable letting those around me know what I’m good at, what I love doing. It may still be quite some time before I let anyone read anything from my novel idea, but I am getting there.

I am trying a new idea, where I will no longer shy away from admitting it, to myself or to anyone who reads this post.

I love writing, and I am good at it.

Happy Reading!

Brianna.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s